5 life lessons from the gym locker room

I've recently started going back to gym and today for the first time in, well, probably 20 years, I made use of the shower facilities at the gym. Not that I have not been at the gym for 20 years, but I have not used the gym locker room and showers for, well okay maybe not 20 years, but definitely more than 10. I have tended to avoid this penis parade for most of my life so far for a few, what are in my opinion, very good reasons. 

Firstly, well, I mean dude, nobody wants to see your junk. Put it away, use a towel, wear underpants, do something. Just get that shit under control and out of my sight please. Secondly, why is everyone looking at me funny because I haven't freed willy? Leave me alone man, I'm not here to make friends or to 'hang out'. Is this some sort of cult that I am refusing to be a part of, or just 'man stuff' that I don't understand? Who cares? Fuck off. It's mine and I'm not comfortable with you looking at it.

Anyway, all that awkwardness out the way, there are some valuable lessons I learned this morning. I am seeing them as lessons in manliness, and I now share them with you:

1. Walk around with your shit all hanging out because that's what men do.
2. Use the word 'oak', or 'oke' a lot. For example: "Okes just leave their bags all over the place boet."
3. Make small talk with people you don't know. Okes love talking to weird naked strangers while they're rubbing cream all on their junk. 
4. Talk about how loose and/or stupid woman are. This is an important one I would imagine, because statements like "chicks are hornier than us oke" and "they can get dick at any time boet, you gotta be careful", or "Sandton chicks are daft oke, they grew up too rich, you must just fuck them and leave them, use them for what they're good for", are met with enthusiastic nodding and varying grunts of general agreement.
5. Tell people how expensive your holiday is going to be. Don't, and I mean DO NOT mention an actual figure of what your holiday is going to cost. In fact, if someone asks you outright, avoid answering this question by any means. Although, you must tell the other okes that is it going to be fantastic and very expensive.

I imagine that as time goes by I will probably learn many more valuable lessons. So as and when I learn them I will keep you updated. For now though, stick to these 5 rules and I think you will survive.